


Very Serious Love Story

by birbghost



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, F slur, Homophobia, M/M, tw f slur
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:27:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 456
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27419530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birbghost/pseuds/birbghost
Summary: Literally just read this fucking crack fic my boyfriend wrote in 2014
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 15





	Very Serious Love Story

**Author's Note:**

  * For [pensora](https://archiveofourown.org/users/pensora/gifts).



> So, my boyfriend just showed me this crack fic he wrote in ~2014 and, in light of all of the destiel being canon shit, and the fact that I was not expecting this, I literally just gave myself an asthma attack and started crying uncontrollably from how hard I was laughing reading this. He was too embarrassed to upload this on his Ao3 and said I could upload it instead. Enjoy~
> 
> tw for f slur (meant in humor by a queer person, if that helps)

A very much stereotypical journalist -just like in a porno, Sam’s teenage boy brain helpfully supplied- was talking Lucifer’s ears off, by the way things looked. Sam was displeased, because he was the only one who was allowed to bore Luce to death. 

Lucifer seemed to be aware of that, as he shifted on his feet uncomfortably. Sam knew this was his time to shine. 

“Hey, Darling!” he yelled before even reaching the two. Both looked up at his call. “I looked for you everywhere,” he continued, coming to a halt beside his friend. Lucifer seemed to be getting his intent and heartily threw his arm over Sam’s shoulders.

The journalist fell over, having been blasted into near unconsciousness by the sheer might of guy love.

John Winchester entered the scene, scandalized. A poison dart flew into his open mouth. He died. Dean began to cry and sob in a very tough and manly way. 

Cas, who had been flying by, dropped down next to him, worry written all over his blank features. “Dean,” he said, employing his best batman voice.

“Cas?” Dean asked through tears.  
“Dean, I’m right here for you,” Cas whispered passionately. It seemed a bit weird in correlation with his emotionless expression. He gently stroked Dean’s dick in consolation.

Sam and Lucifer meanwhile were fucking like animals on the concrete, the rough ground inflicting abrasions fangirls would find super hot. 

Michael, however, did not find them “super hot”. Instead, he considered them rather “damning, satanic,” and “sinful” in a bad way. Not the sexy way. In his excited right wing politician mood, he ran up to where his brother was making hot love to Sam. 

“God hates fags!” he screamed, a vein throbbing on his forehead. His skin was red and his shameful erection barely concealed. Nobody noticed it anyway. “The bible says Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!”  
he yelled on. Nobody paid him any attention. 

The sound of manly meat meeting meat was the only thing to be heard.  
“It’s unnatural!” he continued. He hoped for cold rain to stop his state of arousal. 

Release came, but not in a way Michael had expected. The journalist, suddenly naked, had apparently refound his consciousness and was undoing Michael’s pants in no time. He did so undisturbed, and then went on to give a blowjob good enough to make Michael forget his lord and saviour’s name.

“no homo,” he whispered repeatedly. The journalist stopped Michael by pressing him down on his knees and shoving his righteous cock into his thirsty, thirsty mouth.

“full homo,” Michael finally gasped. Every sound and motion stopped. All five guys surrounding him stared at him, mouths agape. “Shit,” Dean finally said. “You just made it gay.”


End file.
